“How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.” – Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey
Valentine’s Day is approaching. I’m not a fan of this holiday, not because of the kissy-face, mushy-gush or the fact that it’s just another hallmark cash cow, but because it popularizes an ideal of romantic love founded in infatuation and fantasy.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m a complete fantasy nerd. Plus, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love a good rom-com or romantic evening. But, I also know that love is much more than a nice meal or one day of proclamations. Love, and for that matter, sex and libido, are fundamentally about connection – not connection to your partner (although that is important) but connection to yourself.
Connecting to yourself requires deep listening. It means responding when your body gives you messages. It means learning how to love the body you have (even when self-judgement feels more comfortable) and care for it every day (even on the days you feel like a piece). It means allowing yourself periods of rest to balance your periods of stress and work. It means prioritizing your mental and physical wellness with the understanding that genuine generosity is rooted in abundance.
At least that is what I’ve discovered. As I began to love myself, I realized that emotional suffering, disordered thoughts, depression and anxiety are my warning signs that I’m living out of alignment with my personal truth. I naturally started doing more things that bring me joy and happiness and I’ve experienced more instances of synchronicity because of the changes I’ve made to how I view self-care.
Anyways, all this talk about self-love is just to request that you take some time this valentine’s day to seduce yourself. Spend a little bit of time and money on you. Take a nice bubble bath, buy yourself flowers (or better yet, put flowers in your bath), make a super indulgent, delicious meal, invite yourself out to try the restaurant you’ve been wanting to try, do something purely for you.
Once you’ve indulged yourself, if you have a partner, you could make a large pot of Kava Hot Chocolate, invite them over and get super intimate with each other (or if you don’t have a partner, make this sweet treat for yourself)! Traditionally, Kava Kava has been used for conflict resolution because it relaxes and opens the door for easeful and authentic communication. Kava is a premier remedy for anxious tension or racing/looping thoughts that inhibit your connection to the present (and libido). I love it as a tincture or as a part of this delicious hot chocolate. This recipe is one I adapted from my teacher, Shelley Torgove. It is incredible. I highly recommend you try it out 🙂
Kava Hot Chocolate**
12 oz water
14 oz coconut milk
2 oz Kava Kava
4 Tbs Chocolate, Cacao Nibs or Cacao Powder
2 Tbs Cinnamon
1 Tbs Cardamom
1 – 2 tsp Cayenne (if desired)
Honey, to taste
Bring herbs and water to a boil and then simmer, covered, for 10-20 minutes. Strain herbs. Add coconut milk, chocolate to the tea, heat until warm. Add honey to taste and enjoy!
**Please do not use Kava Kava if you are taking any sort of SSRI or Benzodiazepine.